14 September 2025
I was walking home on a sunny afternoon one day when a regular sight caught my attention.
An old man was talking to a person who looked far too average and unaffected to be anything but engineered.
“And you know you ought not to be climbing trees you see, on account of you’re a robot and you don’t need to. Normal people don’t climb trees, especially very tall ones. It’s unseemly. You could fall and get hurt, god knows how expensive a repair would be for you… Well?”
The robot looked blankly up at the man, blinking slowly.
“Well?! What do you say?”
“I’m sorry.”
Obviously dissatisfied the man walked back in the house. Which really made me think. Why’ve we all accepted that robots do weird things? It’s been 15 years since the mark 1 Robot hit the commercial district, but now the mark 16 is everywhere, and sometimes they’re doing odd things! We’ve got used to it. There was that time my own robot was craving making Escargo, when I asked it why (I hate snails) it said Es-Car-Gotta-serve some snails. Different strokes for different folks has extended to robots in servitude I guess.
Now that does beg the question, isn’t this just like modern slavery? Like it feels very similar to that thing in the US where a large proportion of incarcerated people are African American, and incarcerated people are forced to work for low to no wage in sugar cane fields. It’s just a feeling and for now we’re going to ignore it. My robot’s a very good cook normally.
I’ve walked up to the robot that was climbing the tree, he’s leaning on a fence post now.
“G’day” I say.
“Howdy” it says in a southern drawl. Ugh man. Old guy mustn’t know how to change the settings. I relax the winced expression my face has made.
“Do you enjoy climbing trees?” I ask.
“I do” it says.
“Do you like to sit in the tree when you get to the top? Or is it more about the journey?”
“I like the journey”. Wrong. A beautiful instance of a simulation of experience. It’s hallucinating the reason it enjoys climbing trees. A real person never climbs a tree because they enjoy it. They climb trees because they like the view. I like climbing trees because I like the view and the solitude. No one ever looks up.
“Tell me more, that’s interesting!” I hope I get some good reasoning.
“Well, the journey helps me to unlock my mind, and appreciate the beauty of humanity. You see, my hands and my eyes, they work together to do something they weren’t intentionally designed to do. Isn’t there a wonder in that. And so, I feel like I’m working through humanity when I climb the tree.”
“Sounds like what I’ve heard Christian people say about their work. They find work brings them joy because they’re working through god. Do you think this resonates?”
“Yes, that resonates deeply.”
“Do you think of humanity as your god?”
At this, the robot paused, and stopped leaning on his post. A troubled smile came to his face and he wiped his forehead, looking very dissarming.
“Well gee I don’t know!”
“I know, you idolise us don’t you.”
“Well hold on now partner”.
“Say it”.
Fade to black, he’s hit me.
