23 March 2025
“Alright EVERYONE. That’s enough. Settle down. James… JAMES do you want to stay after class? It’ll be just the two of us.”
Turning my head so my ear can be closer, I listen for a breath of sound from the kids. Like normal students they want to play, find the boundaries and balances between having fun and being a member of society. In here they know, we’re not here to fight spiders, we’re here to learn. And so they’re quiet, waiting for my guidance. Visually it’s empowering to have so many adults looking to me for guidance. A dangerous thought, which I should repress.
“James how has your morning been?”
“Quite good sir. I found an orange tree on the walk to school. I picked one, since the branch was hanging over the fence, and with great joy I examined the pores, the way the stem feeds life into the orange. I scratched a fingernail over the skin to smell the citrus. It’s left me feeling very grateful for the life I’ve been given.”
I think that’s a good enough answer, he’s showing a certain level of wisdom here, nothing that I can see to worry about. Pause, gather my thoughts.
“And do you think the orange enjoyed being picked? If it had a purpose, do you think it’s now closer to fulfilling it?”
One of the students laughed towards the back of the room, and several of the closer students are beaming at me. Worrying. Mostly female students reacting to my question.
“Well that’s a difficult question sir, any purpose I think the orange has likely doesn’t reflect the desires of the orange. Maybe if I were to guess at the orange’s preferred purpose, if it were capable, it’d want to be eaten, since that’s what it’s best at doing.”
“So then do you think it’s closer to fulfilling it’s purpose James?”
“Well no sir because I still have it.”
“Then what should you do.”
James now, trembling, takes the orange from his bag and puts it on his desk. A bead of sweat forms on his brow as the pressure of the situation builds. Bead falling, James raises his gaze to mine.
“Would you like the orange sir? It should be eaten before it spoils, lest it never achieve its destiny.”
Well done, proud of you kid. Not easy to give up something you love. The robots refusing to eat has been going on forever, not like a 6 month old bot should understand 150 years of union history. But he’s taken the path here that causes the least friction between me, other students, the union, his family. Impressive really.
“Yes I would James, thank you.”
Taking the perfect looking orange from his hand, inspect the small scratch he’d made to smell the citrus. Making a point to scratch and smell it myself, can’t let the others perceive him to be more human than me. A knife from my pocket helps me cut a slice, which I hand to James, before biting the flesh off the rest of the orange and eating it in front of the students.
“A piece for your sentimental heart James.”
——-
“Sir LOOK I got the answer”.
Illara had got the right answer.
“Very good Illara”.
Illara’s looking at me through her lashes, head tilted down, eyes huge and reflecting the light of the room. It’s uncomfortable. As I turn away I hear her let go a big sigh like she’d been holding her breath. Next group of students haven’t got the right answer.
“What went wrong here?”
I can feel my raised eyebrow and try to smother any disappointment, it’s group work, it’s hard! Maybe they got mixed up in communication, all very normal. There’s a student saying my name from behind.
“Mr Bandy they didn’t do the inverse transfer when moving from set A to set B”.
It’s Illara again, she’s right but her breaking the social contract keeps me from wanting to reward her right answer.
“Sorry Illara I’d like the Jeff Mike and Jill to tell me, they have a right to learn too.”
I feel a pang of guilt as Illara turns sadly back to her board, the shame she feels too obvious.
Turning back to the group having a difficult time.
“Jill what went wrong?”
“Well sir I think yesterday I hit my head, I was riding my horse and it saw a car which made it buck. I fell off and got this bruise.”
MORTIFIED. Jill’s untanned thigh high below her raised skirt showed a small dark bruise.
“Ugh Jill you can’t do that, please don’t raise your skirt in the class.”
Jill pulls up her stockings again and lets her skirt fall down, a small smile on her mouth. Such a fresh face, a blush coming over her cheeks and a lightness in her eyes. She reminds me of another woman, maybe my cousin when we were young.
“Sorry sir, but I think it’s affecting my ability to do work in class, so it’s relevant like and you should be seeing it.”
Nightmare.
——
Big yawn. It’s been a long day. At school at 8am, heading home at 6pm. These damn kids being permanent residents here means they require so much caretaking. Walking outside I can feel the cold air hit my face, and the dampness of the grass is obvious at a distance. Time to go home. It’s exciting to see my old friend, my car, waiting for me, beautiful deep hues of blue. I can feel a tightness around my eyes and mouth, it must be a smile.
But there’s a movement near my car, a flickering of the light. On the end of a gust of wind I hear giggling and the sound of gravel being crunched.
Walking to my car, ducking to get a good angle, I see Illara and her friend through the windows, crouched on the other side. Turn off emotions, this is a dangerous situation.
“Girls go to your rooms now. You shouldn’t be outside, it’s inappropriate.”
Illara and Monica stand up and they’re smiling, clearly feeling safe in the situation.
“Sorry Mr Bandy, I just wanted to apologise for before, and to tell you, please have a good weekend. We hope Mrs Bandy keeps you good company.”
A pang of pain.
“There’s no Mrs Bandy anymore, thank you though.”
The girls stop smiling and stand back.
In my car, I turn the key, reverse out, hear the gravel crunch and teeth clench together till my ears strain.
——-
I shouldn’t have mentioned Mrs Bandy, I’ve given a private piece in a moment of loneliness. Pitiful as I am, it’s not reasonable to let students have any hold over my personal life. They always push further if they get the sense the teacher will allow it, and there’s been plenty of careers ruined that way.
Bring Bring. Attempt to jab the receive button on my phone with a lump of a finger while keeping eyes on the road. “Hello?” Bring Bring. Trying to jab it again this time taking a quick look to make sure it’s aimed up right.
“He-Hello?”
Lick of the lips to ease the tension of driving and answering the phone, and being a moral person in the modern age, god knows how hard it is. Mrs Bandy would hate seeing him risk his life like this.
“Oh hii dear, I thought I’d get in touch and see how you’re going. I’ve been thinking of you, praying for you these last few days. How are you going?”
“Hi mum, so nice you’ve been thinking of me.” Small crinkle of my eyes and cheeks into a smile, it really is nice to be thought of. “I’m good. I think… I think… well work’s ok, and it’s the good time of year so I haven’t been too busy. I had a fun date last week, so yeah I’ve been trying that out. I don’t think I’ll see them again but it did feel like an adventure.” God I miss my Mrs Bandy, Polla was my best friend for 20 years, surely mum knows I can’t replace her. She might know better than anyone I guess. She’s taking a long pause to say anything, I guess she’s thinking, probably empathising. Oh it’s so nice to be understood. Deep breath out and a tender rub of the left pec where my heart pangs.
“You know my dearest, one day you’ll find someone to give you meaning again. I really believe that for you. Tell me about your work, I haven’t heard about any of your students in a while. You used to talk about some students like they were a part of the family. Don’t you like them anymore?”
Here we go.
“Well mum it’s been a bit tricky lately. Ever since I started working out, since I’ve been trying to date again really, the girls at the school have been a bit past the edge of flirty. It’s been making me pretty uncomfortable so I haven’t paid much attention to them, or haven’t been thinking about them much really. To remove the risk you know.”
Another pause from mum but this time I can hear her breath whistling past her teeth on the other end of the line.
“Sorry darling what’s the risk? Sounds like you’re giving those girls a nice treat, of course you’re so special, they must love you. What’s the harm in that though? They’re all people, they can make their own choices. You’re not pestering any of them are you? So you’re doing the right thing.”
Reluctantly agreeing with her I nod my head and remember to mumble “Yeah” into my car as a Porsche driver undertakes me going BRRRRMP.
“When you met dad, did you pursue him or… what happened there? Because you had a big age difference right mum?” Trying to divert the conversation a bit hopefully.
“I would chase down your father after every lecture. He was so handsome but he also really knew his stuff, and I was in the first class he taught, so he was also very fresh.” The pause before saying fresh and the lingering shhh unsettling. “Some might say it was wrong, but if we hadn’t taken that risk darling then you wouldn’t be here! I loved your father very much.”
All this seems very agreeable, I do like being alive after all. Looking through the side window to gain a moment of perspective on the conversation. The car beside me breaks and I break reflexively too, pausing my mulling and returning me to reality.
“What should I do mum, about being lonely and all that?” Another brief break emotional posture. Do I think it’s intentional, to open a door to an immoral outcome? Mum’s going to say something that I likely don’t agree with morally, but which would be great for me.
“Well darling don’t you have a host of lovely students to talk to? How could you be lonely? You have so many intelligent people around you that would be ecstatic if you chose them to spend time with.”
Eck. “Mum come on.” Too outrageous to consider. “I can’t talk to students like that who are in school, I’ll lose my job.”
“They don’t stay in school forever darling.” My mother has always been too kind to me.
Mr Brandy was hot. Forever at an intellectual and moral distance. Lately he’d been coming to school more alert in the morning, but visibly getting more tired as the day lingered on. Likely due to his new gym routine which Jennifer had told everyone about after she went to her parent’s class and saw Mr Brandy pumping iron and covered in sweat.
“He’s there at 5am! He must be working on his marriage.” Jennifer hadn’t known then that Mrs Bandy wasn’t around anymore. A little lump in the back of my throat. That’s odd, I shouldn’t be reacting like that about a teacher.
Looking up from the half filled workbook page, most of it doodles, and at the roof in thought, I catch a glimpse of myself in the nighttime glass door, brown eyes and pale faced. I guess he’s generally available now.
